“Diving in deeper…”

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Recently I came across my back operation report – The detailed account of what they did to me while I lay under anesthetic on the surgery table. It made me want to dive in deeper and read what exactly had been done. It described how they made the incision down my spine, stripped my muscles to the lateral of the facet joints and proceeded to perform the operation. How they put the screws and rod in and how bone substitute autograft was packed into the parafacetal gutters after these had been prepared for grafting. They inserted an epidural cannular and a portovac drain. They closed the wound in layers and then put skin staples to the skin to close it up. This may seem like a foreign language but it really impacted my thought on what exactly had been done to my back and spine. 

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Photo by Blaque X on Pexels.com

I was twenty four years old when I had it done. Fairly young to say the least which apparently also worked in my favour, but at the same time got me thinking about what twenty-four year old would want to go through such an ordeal and process? I guess a desperate and determined one. I had been struggling for so long, trying different medications, having different treatments, going to a physio, seeing a chiropractor, having acupuncture, even had a lumbar epidural…the list seemed endless and yet nothing helped ease the pain. Last option and guess only option was to go in and fix the physical problem. I don’t think anyone can mentally prepare themselves for a back operation. Without your spine, you simply can not function! I tried though, I guess I have the attitude of taking it as it comes. Was I really prepared though? NEVER!

The pain is something I have never experienced before in my life, learning to walk again was a punishment on its own. Not sitting for about six weeks. Having to ask for help…which is something I can not easily do. The thing is though, looking back, I wouldn’t have done it any other way. It changed my quality of life. Literally! It changed me physically yes, but also mentally. It made me dive in deeper and realise that there is so much more to a person who has had an operation, even one who hasn’t. Someone may look fine physically but on the inside they may have a very interesting story behind that scar you don’t see. It can also relate to the saying of, “stop judging a book by it’s cover.” 

I don’t know what the future holds for my spine, currently. Since this recent car accident I have felt the change in my spine and back. Even in my functionality. The thing is though I’m going to continue to take it as it comes. As frustrating as it can be, there is a lot to be grateful for. Try that mentality in your own lives, taking things as they come and forging on. You are a lot stronger than you know. 

I’ll leave this here:

“Being strong doesn’t mean you’ll never get hurt. It means even when you get hurt, you’ll never let it defeat you.” – Unknown 

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